Burlesque is not pornographic or objectifying, but it is sexual. A typical burlesque routine involves a woman slowly peeling her clothes off for an audience of people, layer by layer. Audience members are encouraged to hoot, holler, clap their hands, stomp their feet, and cheer as she shows her body. As a heterosexual male, I definitely have never felt a personal need to complain about how nearly all burlesque performers are women. However, I've felt that straight women and gay men would possibly enjoy seeing more male burlesque performers. From those thoughts, I had the idea of possibly doing it myself.
The thoughts of doing burlesque rested in the back of my mind for years. It was at practice with a men's morris dance group I perform with where one of my teammates showed up to practice one day with makeup. I asked him what sort of show he was coming from, and he said that he was taking burlesque classes. I mentioned to him that I'd had the thought of doing burlesque. He also talked about how he was the only man in his class, and I related to him my story of being the only boy in musical theater classes as a teenager.
A couple of years later, that friend died in a car crash. From that, I decided that maybe it was time I start taking classes. It would be a nice thing to do in his memory. At one of his memorial gatherings, I mentioned the idea to a friend, and she said that she could imagine me being great at it. I looked at the website for ExperTease Fitness, I looked at when classes were, and I sent an email, asking a quick question.
After a year, with plans to sign up, I still hadn't gotten around to it. It was a continuous, maybe next session. I then ended up in another upsetting situation. I met someone online. She and I chatted for a bit. She suggested to do a nude video chat, and I agreed to it. A few minutes in, this person revealed that their Facebook profile was fake, and what I was witnessing during the video chat was a video of someone else. The person behind the profile page then threatened to leak nude screenshots of me if I didn't pay him $780.
I'd heard stories of how burlesque had helped a few women overcome past abuse. I decided that it might be helpful for me as well, so I finally signed up for a class.
On the first day of class, there was that awkward feeling that people frequently have when they're at a first class and learning something new. We introduced ourselves to each other, we were told a brief history of burlesque, and we discussed stage names.
The day after I'd fallen victim to image abuse, I contacted the police. The most they did was suggest I change my Facebook name, which Facebook didn't allow me to do. Although Facebook didn't allow me to change my Facebook name, I thought the name I'd come up with would make a great stage name for burlesque. I also talked with a couple of friends about it, and they liked it.
Now, here in class, we were pulling random bits of paper out, with various words to give ideas for names. I got one piece of paper that said "candy" and another one that said "tree." I first thought that that was the name I was supposed to have come up with, "Candy Tree." I then realized that I was supposed to think of a form of candy and a type of tree. Maple Lollipop? However, I then mentioned the name I'd already had in mind, which my teacher and classmates liked, Syd Thunder.
A few weeks later, after a couple of classes where we learned several different tips and tricks, it was finally time for us to peel our clothes off. We'd been told to bring an outfit to strip out of. We spent the class going through different bits of clothing to remove. I brought a suit and tie, and I peeled off the different bits, piece by piece. After that class, I felt great. It was a freeing experience. We then started to work on our number for the student showcase and put together costumes.
After a few weeks of practice, the tech rehearsal was at the Minnsky Theatre, where the showcase would be. It was across the street from the building that ExperTease Fitness was in. There were different groups there to run their routines, and the couple of times we ran ours, they cheered us on. It was definitely a comforting experience. My classmates and I got together to touch up our number the following night.
A couple of days later, the first of three student showcases happened. The first one was heavily centered around pole dancing, but there was a bellydancer, a chair dance, and a couple of burlesque routines. The following night, there was a lot of high acrobatics, as well as a bellydance and a few burlesque numbers. That second night, something else happened. After one of the first routines that night, Jac Fatale, the owner of both ExperTease Fitness and the Minnsky Theatre, who was also the host of the show, commented on having heard rude remarks from audience members. She said that this was a safe space. All body types, gender expressions, ages (18+), etc. are welcome and encouraged to perform. The audience cheered as she said it.
Later that night, during another one of the numbers, I saw her walking out of her seat to tell audience members to stop what they were doing. After that number was over, she reminded the audience that there are to be no pictures taken. She commented on some of the reasons why taking pictures of performers is not allowed. Although no one else in the audience cheered, I did. After the show, I thanked her for calling them out. Although she felt anger towards them, I felt comfort and healing.
At both shows, Jac commented on how burlesque is a life changing experience. She talked about how when someone shows off their body to a cheering crowd, something effects their brain and they feel like they're worth more than they had been. I was looking forward to having that experience.
Now, it was time for the third student showcase. The one we would be performing. Our teacher was unable to make it, but we planned on doing a before and after pic for her. In the dressing room, we posed in our costumes and shared the picture with her. I'd had a lot of thoughts about doing the after pic. From my experiences of falling victim to image abuse, I felt a bit weary about that. However, thinking of stuff that women who'd been abused had said, it's my body. My body should not be used as a weapon against me.
Anyway, it was now time for the show. We were able to watch from a platform on the upstage area, with all the others performing that night. We were encouraged to watch as a way of showing support to all the other students. There were several people doing various forms of aerial acrobatics and there were, of course, other burlesque performers.
When it was finally time for us to perform, I finally felt the smallest bit of nervousness, but I had always felt calm and at ease. I knew that the audience was a supportive group of people, and I knew that all of us in the class were in it together. When the music came on, and when we performed, I was ecstatic to finally hit the stage. I'd had a lot of energy when running the number through at practices, but I now had so much more energy. It was a wonderful and freeing experience. At the end, the audience cheered, we bowed, we then turned around and did a booty bow, and then we walked off the stage.
I immediately ran into the dressing room, to change into my post-performance costume, and then watch the rest of the show. I then realized that I would need to get my clothes back. I then realized that I wasn't there for the after picture. I had completely spaced it out. I'd been weary at first, but I embraced the idea. However, what I got so worked up about, I ended up spacing out.
At a burlesque show I'd attended that past summer, I'd been having a rough weekend. The night before, I messaged my friend in the show, asking if they'd be willing to give me a hug afterwards. They said of course. I then asked that friend about getting together separately, as I really needed a friend to talk to, but I didn't want to be a buzzkill that night. A burlesque show, after all, is supposed to be fun, free of any pain or hardships.
Back at the student showcase, after performing and seeing the acts that followed us, it was now intermission. I went to grab my costume and apologize for not being in the after picture. I also talked with someone else about my image abuse situation, the mental journey I'd had about the post-show pic, and how I ended up spacing it out. This person then told me about some of their personal struggles. Later on, during intermission, others were talking about some of their personal struggles. Others had talked about struggles that they'd had, but how burlesque had helped them through.
On the surface, burlesque is a wild and fun time. However, beneath the surface, it's something deeper. Burlesque performers peel off their clothes, and you might think they're showing who they are. However, they don't always peel away their souls. You might witness someone who seems fully confident in their body, but if you see them peeling away their soul, you might see someone vulnerable and hurt.
Me doing burlesque isn't going to magically bring about gender equality in how human beings are sexualized. It's not going to bring my friend back. It's not going to fully heal me from my image abuse situation. It might be centuries before women are treated as equals. My friend will always be missed. With my image abuse situation, there are fears I may likely always have of what my perpetrator could possibly do. After the wounds have healed, there will still be a scar. However, my time on that stage and in classes has started healing the wounds.
