Exactly a week after facing that situation on the train, I dealt with a couple of situations. In the morning, I was on the train, I saw a dude trying to make small talk with a woman. She claimed she couldn't understand him. A while later, he said "hey" to her, and gestured, asking if she had any cream. She didn't understand him. I turned around, and said my usual line, "dude, you know she looks really uncomfortable." He then assumed it was the tattoo. I pointed out that I called someone else out for simply saying "careful don't fall" to a woman. He then asked if I had a thing against women. I said "No," paused, and continued, "I have a thing against men." "He was just looking out for her" said that other guy. I then turned back and kept quiet.
I reflected on it further, and I posted about it onto Facebook. I realized ways I could have definitely better handled the situation. I realized I should have walked up to him, and quietly mentioned the present social situation that women have been put into. I should have commented on how sexual harassment is so common, that sometimes, well-meaning attempts to make small talk come across as sexual comeuppance. I received some feedback on Facebook as well, and I responded to a comment, admitting what I could have done differently.
That night, however, I dealt with something more. While at the bus station, waiting for the bus, a man walked in. He said "Hey Sugar," to a woman, and started conversing with her. She had to pull the earbuds out of her ears, and said "what?" She responded politely. I then said "Dude, not cool." He said, "What?" I responded by saying "the majority of women are creeped out by random men..." "What?!" he said in response, and briefly commented on the word, "creep."
He continuously called me an idiot. Whenever I'd start to something in response to him or a question he asked me, he'd immediately interrupt me, mostly to tell me how stupid I am. Somewhere along the line, he told me to go up and ask that woman if she was uncomfortable. I told him to ask all the women who posted #MeToo. He responded with noises, expressing anger at me, but not having anything to say. He told me to mind my own business or I'd get my ass whooped. "You're five foot nothing," he said. I was thinking of pointing out that I'm actually 4'11", but that would justify how easy it would be to beat me up.
Somewhere along the line, a group of preteen boys walked into the bus station. They looked on, laughing at the situation, with big smiles on their faces. The man eventually walked out of the building, and waited for the bus outside. The preteen boys started talking to me, having been heavily amused at what they saw. One of them said words to the effect of "are you really going to let him talk to you like that?" A couple of them also walked out of the building, towards that man. I had a little bit of fear that their actions, that they saw as funny and playful, would possibly be putting me in danger. Fortunately, nothing happened.
The bus finally arrived, and I walked out of the building to the door farther away, so as to not go near that man. When getting in line, I allowed others to get in front of me, as I always do. However, there were some who were insistent that I get in front of them in the line. I had to stand behind that man while waiting for the bus. When we got on, we sat in completely different areas, and by the time I got off, he was gone.
Admittedly, I didn't have any feelings of major fear while any of this happened. After all of that, I actually felt quite good about myself. However, when my dad gave me a ride home from where I was headed to, I talked with him. He made remarks that were heavily discouraging, and we had a huge argument. I then posted the story of what happened at the bus station onto Facebook. I received a large number of 'sad' face reactions. I posted a comment, saying that I'm alright, that there's always a risk. I went to bed, doubting myself.
The following morning, I woke up and saw a couple of 'thank you' comments from women on my friend list. I then logged back in later, and saw even more comments, thanking me. Admittedly, there are some things I should have done differently in that scenario. Somewhere in the conversation with that man, I referred to him as "baby," and used it as a way of pointing out why he shouldn't be referring to people he doesn't know by pet names. I also think instead of saying that most women are creeped out, I should have said that they are uncomfortable. Creeped out possibly comes off as too much of an attack.
I'm still figuring out how to handle the situation, and unfortunately, different people react differently. While writing this now, I really don't know how to conclude. I can only say that I'm still learning, but then again, aren't we all?
No comments:
Post a Comment